I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
