Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i think im in europe. pls send help
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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