im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
