I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
