just tell him i said nine months
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
