do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
