I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
