well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
