I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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