So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
COCAINE IS GR8
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
