just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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