shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i now understand why vodka
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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