I wish my penis had an off switch
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
