i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
