I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
barbara walters just said penis...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
