dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
