He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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