He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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