Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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