Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize