I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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