The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
