i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
