Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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