She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
and you fell through a lawn chair
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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