I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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