I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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