A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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