its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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