apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
