i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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