I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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