i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
