At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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