Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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