I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize