there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
