I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
