when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i have two assholes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
