I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
