Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
