how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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