I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
