I don't usually arrange sex via text message
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
