i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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