I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
