He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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