Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
