Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize