I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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