i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
