apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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