Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
