i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
