Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
