I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
