I'm so fucking centered right now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize