Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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