After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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