you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
