we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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