so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
