he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
