He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
