can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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