...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
