Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I faked an abortion last night.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Its about making memories worth repressing
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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