So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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