so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
