Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
