I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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