She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
