We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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