So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
