You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
