dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
