Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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