My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
