She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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