I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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