The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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