Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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