Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
