found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
