She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
whose parrot is this?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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