he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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