I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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