Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
