Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
