some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
