I think my vagina is haunted
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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