I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
