I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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