he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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