I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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