You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
