I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
