I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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