Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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