He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
