May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
