K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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