I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize