Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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