I am puke
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize