if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
