please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
