Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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