a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize