good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
