I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
