I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We need to rekindle our bromance
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize