I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
