I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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