So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
