I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize