What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
