Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
