I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
40s are totally the cure
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
