Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
