You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
