Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize