Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
